" "But you said that this is what you wanted. You told me that you wanted me to hurt you... that you *needed* for me to hurt you. Catharsis and all that... remember that conversation?" I crack the whip against my leg for emphasis. "Yes. I remember it and I still want it and I want you to hurt me but I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared..." Your voice keeps ramping up in pitch, and I'm afraid that soon it will be out of my range of hearing, so I cover your mouth with my hand to stop you. "You don't have anything to be afraid of. If you safeword, I'll stop. If you pass out, I'll stop." You shake your head, so I assume you want to speak, and pull my hand away. "I'm not safe wording... I'm just telling you..." "You're not safe wording? So, this is until you pass out... hmmmmm... maybe I should call someone over to let me know when that happens..." You shake your head violently, then close your eyes and try to calm yourself down. "I didn't mean that. I'm not safe wording *now*... not yet...". But today, Hailey was graduating from high school and I cancelled my appointments so that I could attend. Hailey had turned into a very lovely girl. Just 3 years ago she was all gangly legs, arms and she was awkward when she walked. Today I beheld a beautiful young woman walking across the stage to speak as class valedictorian. She had already accepted various awards for the sports she played and now she spoke with confidence. I was sitting with my siblings and parents and I could have sworn instead of talking to the whole audience she kept staring at me. I guess it could have been my imagination, but it did look like her gaze landed on me more than on any one else.After graduation we all met back at my parents’ house. It was June 14th, late in the year for graduation but we had some very heavy snows and her school was cancelled several times over the winter. It was Friday night and I asked everyone if they’d like to come out onto my pontoon boat for a little jaunt around a rather.
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